The history of mayonnaise is controversial. It might have been invented by a French Gentleman to commemorate a battle. What is not at all controversial is how my wife, Kimmy Sophia, feels about it. If the merest speck of the unmentionable substance adorns a sandwich, shudders and sighs ensue.

I’m not as virulent in my distaste of mayo, having eaten mayonnaise on bread sandwiches when I was too young to know why I shouldn’t be doing that, but I’m also not terribly fond of the gooey white sauce.

Certainly not on a lobster roll.

In 2007, my family moved back to my home town of Portland, Maine. I had been away for over thirty-five years. In all those years I believe that I only had one lobster roll, on a trip back to Maine in the eighties. We drove up Route 1, north of Boston, stopped somewhere and had a $3 lobster roll. Our memory of it is that it was delicious. I’m doubtful now that it was…

In any case, we were very eager to feel that same delight of deliciousness, gorging ourselves on real, Maine lobster rolls after we moved to Maine.

It was not to be.

Every lobster roll we ate was the same unattractive mixture of a hot dog bun, cold iceberg lettuce, mayonnaise and varying amounts of lobster meat. We couldn’t fault the lobster meat, but the rest of the very expensive “treat” was, in the words of Hercule Poirot, “an uninviting delicacy.”

Having grown up in Maine, I was determined and convinced that there must be a Better Way to make lobster rolls. I thought, and drooled, and thought some more, and then I came up with a Recipe! My very first recipe. I’m not a cook, so this was quite an Event.

My patient and delightful wife followed my recipe and surprised me on Fathers’ Day in 2010 with a very large, very tasty, incredibly delightful lobster roll with NO mayonnaise!

I have christened my concoction “The Falkenberg”. (Well, why not?) Here is how you can make a lobster roll that may indeed bring you foodie joy.

Ingredients (Quantity One, multiply as needed)

• Sub Roll: A very high quality long sub roll. Not a cheapo hot dog bun. A gourmet sandwich shop owner told us once that the quality of the bread makes or breaks a sandwich. I believe him.
  
  Update: we've changed the sub roll to a fine, French croissant. MUCH better!
   
• Lobster: Fresh lobster claws and tails, cooked at home, or purchased from a shop that cooks lobsters right off the dock. Fresh, fresh, fresh. Not just wee bits of frozen lobster meat. Claws and tails. Half a pound should fill up a sub roll. Yes, it’s a lot of lobster, but this is a treat; a meal; an experience.
• Melted Garlic Butter: Not margarine; not fake stuff. Real butter, hand-mixed with garlic.
• Cilantro: Fresh and high quality.
• Feta Cheese: any kind, but good quality.
• Slices of fresh avocado.

Preparation

• Grill the sub roll (or croissant) in the broiler, after brushing the garlic butter on the roll.
• Warm up the lobster, but make sure you don’t overcook it or make it rubbery.
• Pile the lobster on the grilled sub roll
• Pour a goodly amount of melted garlic butter over the lobster
• Layer on some feta cheese
• Add cilantro on top
• Add slices of fresh avocado.

All the amounts are “to taste”.

This, my friends, is “The Falkenberg” – a lobster roll for those of you who want more than iceberg lettuce and mayonnaise on a mushy little hot dog bun!

Enjoy!