ONE WILD RIDE IN MY MUMMY´S TUMMY
... OR ...
THE OTHER TOE DAY
a short play for children in one act

by Peter Falkenberg Brown

Copyright 2002 by Peter Falkenberg Brown
http://peterfalkenbergbrown.com

CHARACTERS
BOY ... A baby BOY, residing in his mummy´s tummy

UNCLE RUDOLPHO ... Boy´s Great, Great, Great, Great Uncle, the Boy´s Travel Guide

TUMMY ANGEL ... A small child angel, sent to keep Boy company

GIRL ... A baby GIRL - the twin.

SETTING

The interior of the mummy´s tummy.

TIME
Present day.

SCENES
ACT I
Scene 1

Inside a Mummy´s tummy

Act 1
Scene 1
The set is the interior of mummy´s
tummy. There is a small cot, a table,
and 3 chairs. As the play opens, all
is dark.

We hear footsteps and a grunt,
followed by the sound of a toy being
knocked to the floor.

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Dad gum it! How come it´s so dark in here?

BOY
   Who´s that?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Where´s the dratted light?

(We hear more clatter, and the sound of various
things getting bumped into.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Ah! Here it is!

(A light is switched on, and we see UNCLE
RUDOLPHO standing with one knee on a chair,
leaning over the table. BOY is sitting up on the
small cot, looking at him.)

BOY
   Who are you?

(Uncle Rudolpho straightens up, and brushes
himself off, and bows.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   I´m your Great, Great, Great, Great (is that
   four or five? .. oh, whatever) Uncle Rudolpho,
   world traveler, travel guide extraordinaire,
   man about town, the one who KNOWS whatever
   there is to know.

BOY
   Oh. Gee. That´s a long name.

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   You can call me Uncle Bob then.

BOY
   Uncle Bob? Is that short for Rudolpho?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   No, it´s just short.

(Uncle Rudolpho looks around at the clutter of
toys, and grimaces.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   What a mess! Didn´t they send anybody to clean
   up? How come the light was off, anyway?

BOY
   I didn´t know I had a light. I didn´t know I
   had anything, until yesterday, when I found my
   other toe.

(Boy looks down at his feet, and lifts up one
toe.)

BOY
   This was getting all worn out - I was chewing
   on it so much.

(He lifts up his other toe.)

BOY
   Then I saw this other one. Wow. Was I
   surprised. It´s exactly the same. But fresher.

(Uncle Rudolpho nods knowingly.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Aha! The Other Toe Day. I remember it quite
   well myself. That must be why my dear wife
   Valerina said it was time for me to come and
   visit.

(He sighs.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   I just wish she hadn´t interrupted my bridge
   game. Oh well... I was losing, so no matter.

(He claps his hands briskly, and eyes the room
critically.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   It´s time to get things going here!

(He strides to the wall, and vigorously yanks on
a bell pull.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Hallo up there! Tummy Angel! Are you there! We
   need you down here. The joint´s a mess!

TUMMY ANGEL
(off stage)
   Coming! Coming right away!

(The TUMMY ANGEL runs in from stage right,
looking rather flustered. He´s carrying a large
cookie in his hand, and is chewing, and trying
to swallow.)

TUMMY ANGEL
   Are you the Travel Guide?

(Uncle Rudolpho bows again.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   That´s me! Uncle Rudolpho, at your service.
   And you are?

TUMMY ANGEL
   I´m the new TUMMY ANGEL. Junior grade, I´m
   afraid. I´ll do my best, but this is my first
   case. Do you have any more cookies?

(The Tummy Angel skips over to the cot and
stares at Boy.)

TUMMY ANGEL
   Hi! Oh, you´re a BOY. I thought it was going
   to be a GIRL. Do you have any cookies? I love
   cookies. Do you wanna play? We´re supposed to
   play a lot so you can get ready.

(Boy stands up gingerly, and stretches. He walks
around the room and looks at the chairs, and the
table, and picks up a toy. He puts the toy down
and tugs at Uncle Rudolpho´s sleeve.)

BOY
   I feel really confused. What´s going on?
   What´s a cookie?

(Uncle Rudolpho sits down, and pats the chair.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Come on boys. Sit down, and let Uncle Rudolpho
   tell you all about it.

(Boy and the Tummy Angel sit and look at him
expectantly.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   You´re a Boy. Did you know that? That´s why we
   call you BOY. At least until later.

BOY
   No! Really? What´s a BOY?

(Uncle Rudolpho sighs.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Oh, BOY, oh BOY.

BOY
   Yes?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   No, not you! Let´s start at the beginning. Do
   you know where you are?

TUMMY ANGEL
   North Carolina?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Tummy Angel! Shush!

(Uncle Rudolpho leans over, and takes Boy´s
hand.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   There´s a big person, just like me, but she´s
   prettier (he looks at the audience) -- I have
   to say that you know -- and she´s your mummy.
   You can call her that. And you´ll never guess
   where you are!

(Boy rubs his chin, and looks around, a bit
worried.)

BOY
   North Carolina?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   No, no, no! You´re in your mummy´s tummy!

BOY
   What´s a tummy?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Here! Just like mine!

(Uncle Rudolpho pats his stomach.)

BOY
   Really! No wonder it was so dark.

TUMMY ANGEL
   We´re not in North Carolina?

(Uncle Rudolpho glares at the Tummy Angel.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
(to the audience)
   At the moment, I think we´re on Route 95.

(Suddenly, the three of them tip out of their
chairs.)

TUMMY ANGEL
   What was that?

(Uncle Rudolpho strides to the screen and looks
through a small telescope that is planted into
the wall. The large end of the telescope is off
stage.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Well, well, I was wrong. We´re not on Route 95
   after all. I think that was Mummy and folks,
   getting out of their mini-van. They must be
   home early.

BOY and TUMMY ANGEL
(together)

   Let me see!

(Boy and Tummy Angel and Uncle Rudolpho gather
around the spyglass, jostling for space. Uncle
Rudolpho firmly keeps control of the telescope,
helping Boy and the Tummy Angel look through it.
Uncle Rudolpho then takes a long look.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Oh no. Don´t do that, my good lady.

(Uncle Rudolpho looks at the Tummy Angel.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Do you know what she´s doing?

TUMMY ANGEL
   No, but I like her. She likes cookies, too. I
   saw her eat one.

(Uncle Rudolpho, the Tummy Angel and Boy start
to quiver and jerk spasmodically and stumble
around the stage uncontrollably.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Why´d she have to go and do that! I hate it
   when they do that.

TUMMY ANGEL
   What happened?

BOY
   I think I´m going to be sick.

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   No! Don´t be sick! There´s no way to clean it
   up!

TUMMY ANGEL
   What´s happening, Mr. Travel Guide?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   I´m afraid, my good Tummy Angel, that the
   Boy´s mummy has indulged herself in a very
   large cup of Starbuck´s coffee.

TUMMY ANGEL
   Oh, no! If she keeps that up, Boy will become
   a break dancer when he grows up!

(Uncle Rudolpho and the Tummy Angel and Boy
settle down on the bed, wiping their brows.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   My, oh my. How in the world will Boy get any
   sleep if his Mummy keeps drinking coffee!

TUMMY ANGEL
   He´ll need a lotta sleep if he becomes a break
   dancer.

BOY
   I´m confused.

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Don´t worry, Boy. We´ll explain --

(Uncle Rudolpho, the Tummy Angel and Boy
suddenly fall off the couch in a heap.)

TUMMY ANGEL
   Eeeek!!

(The three of them start to slide from left to
right, with their arms flailing wildly. Uncle
Rudolpho struggles to the telescope and looks
out.)

BOY
   What is it, Uncle Rudolpho?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   That must have been one strong cup of coffee.
   Your mummy is doing aerobics! Uh, oh! Hold on!

(His glasses askew, Uncle Rudolpho clutches his
hat as the three of them stumble wildly.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   That was a pushup.

BOY
   Is it going to be like this from now on?

TUMMY ANGEL
   It´s those modern women, Boy. Your mummy´s a
   fitness fanatic.

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   In my day women were civilized. Exercise was
   strictly forbidden.

TUMMY ANGEL
   They were too busy with their washboards to
   get washboard abs.

BOY
   What´s a washboard?

TUMMY ANGEL
   Boy oh BOY, we gotta teach you everything,
   don´t we?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Now, Tummy Angel. Be nice if you want to get
   any more cookies!

(Uncle Rudolpho looks through the telescope.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Ah ha! Just as I thought!

TUMMY ANGEL
   What is it?

(Uncle Rudolpho motions them over to the
telescope and they look through it.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Modern women are so predictable. After they
   exercise they always take a bath! I can´t
   imagine why. In my day we just used perfume.

BOY
   What´s that wet stuff?

TUMMY ANGEL
   That´s hot water. See the steam? Your mummy´s
   lying down in the tub. You can tell because
   her tummy´s too big to fit under the water.
   That´s why it´s getting hot in here.

(Uncle Rudolpho wipes the sweat off his brow.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Hot is right! We should open a window.

BOY
   Ooooh. What are those other things floating
   around?

TUMMY ANGEL
   Let me see. Oh those are sea monsters. If
   you´re bad, they´ll eat you.

(Uncle Rudolpho grabs the telescope and looks
through it. He glares at the Tummy Angel.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Tummy Angel! What´s got into you! Those aren´t
   sea monsters! Those are rubber duckies!

BOY
   Will they eat me?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   No, no, no. They´re toys, to play with.
   Obviously, your mummy has had a stressful day
   at the office. By playing with rubber duckies
   she can get in touch with her inner child.

BOY
   She´s coming for a visit?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   No, no, no. She --

(Just then they hear a commotion from off stage.
Boy jumps on the bed and pulls the blanket up to
his chin.)

BOY
   Is it Mummy?

(Uncle Rudolpho and the Tummy Angel stare at
each other.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   I don´t think it´s medically possible.

TUMMY ANGEL
   It´s a sea monster. I just know it.

(As the three of them stare in consternation, a
hand, followed by an arm enters the room.)

TUMMY ANGEL
   It´s an arm.

(... and then, with a skip and a hop, the arm is
followed by a little GIRL. She stops and looks
at them, gravely, with her thumb in her mouth.)

GIRL
   Is this Kansas?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Kansas?

TUMMY ANGEL
   Kansas?

BOY
   What´s a Kansas?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Why would you think you were in Kansas, my
   dear?

GIRL
   Well, I was lying in my bed, examining my
   other toe that I just found today for the
   first time, and then all of a sudden
   everything moved around, and I fell off the
   bed, and then everything went up and down and
   then it started getting really hot and then I
   thought I had better open a window and then I
   found this door, and here I am.

BOY
   What did she say?

TUMMY ANGEL
   She said she´s not in Kansas anymore.

(Uncle Rudolpho nods wisely and takes Girl´s
hand. He leads her over to the cot where Boy is
sitting and helps her sit down next to Boy.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Boy, you´ve got good news.

BOY
   I do?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Yes, sirree. I´m proud to introduce you to
   your twin sister!
(to Girl)
   Young lady, this is your twin brother! His
   name is Boy.

TUMMY ANGEL
   Well, I never. Do you have any cookies?

GIRL
   I don´t think so.
(to Uncle Rudolpho)
   Do I have any cookies?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Not yet, my good GIRL. But you will.

(Uncle Rudolpho stands and takes the Tummy
Angel´s hand.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Well, Tummy Angel. It´s time for us to leave.
   We´ve done our duty and helped guide these
   delightful young people through the excitement
   of The Other Toe Day. They´ll be fine now.

TUMMY ANGEL
   When we get back upstairs can I have a cookie?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   You can have two. One for each of them.

TUMMY ANGEL
   Goodie!!!

(Uncle Rudolpho kisses Boy and Girl on the
cheek.)

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
   Well, good-bye then. Take care of each other.
   You must have a lot to talk about now.

BOY and GIRL
   Yes sir!

BOY
(to Girl)
   So you have another toe, too?

GIRL
   I sure do. You wanna see it? It´s really
   clean, and tastes pretty good.

(Boy and Girl bend over, staring at their toes.
They don´t notice as the light goes dim and
Uncle Rudolpho and the Tummy Angel exit.)

TUMMY ANGEL
(o.s.)
   Mr. Travel Guide, are you sure they´ll be ok?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
(o.s.)
   Most certainly, my good Tummy Angel. That is,
   until they discover they have eight little
   toes too. We wouldn´t want them to
   over-nibble, you know.

TUMMY ANGEL
(o.s.)
   No, that would be bad, wouldn´t it. Can I have
   a cookie now?

UNCLE RUDOLPHO
(o.s.)
   Tummy Angel! Whatever shall I do with you?

(As the light goes dark, we hear peals of
laughter from Uncle Rudolpho and the Tummy
Angel.)


Fade to black